So I am back! Back from my (unintentional) blogging hiatus, back from my mini-break to the Oregon coast with Mr. Norris, back to "real" life. And real life, apparently, includes more fatigue. And more depression. And some regular ole crankiness that stemmed from said depression and fatigue, and also from trying to vacation peacefully with one's significant other.

People, Mr. Norris is a saint. I mean, he doesn't have a halo or anything (at least, not one that I've seen), and I'm pretty sure he's not dead and that he's not been blessed as such by the Pope in Rome, but the fact that he puts up with a very cranky and depressed me, and seems to like me anyway... well, that is pretty remarkable. Frankly, I think I'm getting the better end of the deal in this relationship, but he seems happy so I'll take it.

So, the weekend:
Thursday night, Mr. Norris arrived around 7 and we hung out and talked for a little while and then opened gifts and ate some salad while we waited for dinner to finish cooking. Our valentine's day, and indeed the whole weekend, was very low key: I made herb roasted Cornish Game Hens (because those little birds are so darned CUTE!), roasted baby red potatoes and steamed green beans for dinner and our gifts were similarly small and low key. He gave me a couple of cute and sweet cards, Season II ofBoston Legal, and a yummy vegan raspberry treat. I got him a Moleskine Sketchbook, a skin kit for men by Dermalogica (my favorite skin care products ever) and some yummy little treats like PEZ and Ghiradelli chocolate squares filled with caramel, along with a card. All in all, a very quiet and enjoyable if not uber-romantic evening. (Which, let's face it, is a bit over-rated to begin with...)

Continue reading "Post-Valentine's Day Report" »

Posted by Zee at 05:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Holy cow, people ... remember this post? The one where I thought I was feeling better and boy-oh-boy this Copaxone stuff is The Shit and wow... life is great?!

Yeah, what did I know!?

On Saturday I finally got in to see my psychiatrist and - of all things - he prescribed Ritalin! Apparently there are a number of studies that have shown that Ritalin enhances the effectiveness of anti- depressants. Since I'm at the top dose now for one of my meds and he was wary of increasing that above the recommended dosage, he thought the Ritalin might work well - particularly given my lack of focus and general scatterbrainedness when depression sets in. So he prescribed the lowest possible dose to be taken up to 3 times a day (or as needed).

Continue reading "So this is how normal feels..." »

Posted by Zee at 10:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Well, in the ongoing saga of my battle against depression, I have finally made contact with the people at my psychiatrist's office! Huzzah! Triumph!

Or so I thought. I actually only talked to the receptionist, but my psychiatrist actually called me Friday while I was napping (so of course I missed the call) and when I called back this morning I gave the receptionist/assistant guy who answered the phone a brief run-down of my deepest needs, wants and desires as regards my mental health.

That list includes:
a) A recommendation from my psychiatrist as to the anti-depressant dosage(s) I should be taking while on Copaxone, and
b) To have my psychiatrist contact my neurologist to talk about my mental health: because my being in the middle trying to get things accomplished clearly isn't doing much good...

I meet with my shrink again on Saturday and my neurologist at the end of the month and, God willing, they'll have talked to each other by then and come up with a plan of some kind that meets my ultimate needs, which involve:
a) Not being depressed, and
b) Not having an MS relapse.

Continue reading "Restarting the Copaxone..." »

Posted by Zee at 07:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

So after my little melt-down on Saturday, I decided to simply take a break from the Copaxone for a while: until I can see my psychiatrist and my neurologist and can get them talking to each other. I haven't taken my Copaxone since Friday night, and already I feel better: more hopeful, a bit more energetic - even somewhat cheerful. I don't know how much of this is due to the placebo effect and how much is due to an actual change in my body's chemistry, but whichever it is I'll take it.

In a lot of ways, I feel like I've spent the last 18 months of my life - since my MS diagnosis - not living. Sure, I've done things here and there over the last year and a half, but I look back on my life as it was in 2003 and 2004, before I left for Boston, and realized I was really living then. I went out in the evenings to do stuff like swing dancing or go to movies with friends. I gave impromptu gatherings and they didn't exhaust me emotionally or physically. I actually wanted to practice the piano and go for regular runs. And I did those things!

What I've done since my relapse in June of '06 is survive: in the beginning I was too tired to do anything anyway, and I didn't care that I wasn't going out and meeting people because I was too fatigued to do so. But as my relapse symptoms improved and I started on the Avonex, everything began to feel like a colossal effort and I did the bare minimum to survive.

Continue reading "A New Year and New Hope" »

Posted by Zee at 11:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

If I read one more happy newspaper tale of someone with MS who is chipper and positive and taking their medicine like a good little person, I think I'm going to throw up.

I was poking around the Internet earlier today running searches trying to find out more about the connection between Copaxone and depression; I'll be damned, but I can't seem to avoid all those sickeningly-sweet newspaper articles about someone who's been diagnosed with MS but who is nevertheless "doing what it takes" to live a "normal" life. Or they're "beating the disease." Or their response is to suck it up and do everything their neurologist says because they're a Good Little Patient.

Barf.

If you need me, I'll be over here at MultipleSclerosisSucks.com, reading about what life with MS is really like.

Continue reading "Sour Grapes" »

Posted by Zee at 10:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

So uh... Hi! I'm still here, in case you were wondering... I just haven't had a lot to say over the last couple weeks, primarily because of depression that's been so severe it was all I could do to get out of bed in the mornings.

Last Saturday I hit rock-bottom in terms of my ability to cope with life and the brain God graced me with. The day started out okay, but by mid-afternoon I had a nasty headache and felt pretty down. I cancelled the plans I had and settled in to have a quiet evening in with the dog.

And then I crashed. Literally: I sat down on the couch and didn't move for quite some time. I'm not sure how long, because I didn't have a clock handy, but I ended up staring blankly at the television - which was off - in a kind of dazed stupor for several hours. I couldn't even bring myself to turn on the TV and find something to watch that I was even remotely interested in. So I sat there until it seemed like an appropriate hour to go to bed.

Sunday I felt slightly better and by Monday I was chomping at the bit to get in to see my psychiatrist. He was able to see me for a quick appointment in the late afternoon and thankfully I had work to distract me until then. He bumped up one of the medications I'm on, said I should start seeing some improvement in a couple days and suggested we re-evaluate when I went to my scheduled appointment the following Saturday.

Continue reading "The "wonderful" world of pharmaceuticals..." »

Posted by Zee at 09:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

So it's the last day of NaBloPoMo and I only managed to blog about half of the 30 days we were supposed to. I suck. In more ways than one, I'm afraid.

That truth is, I just couldn't prioritize blogging over sleep, my financial class, attending my brother's birthday party, brushing the dog, cooking & eating, being sick (and thus sleeping some more) and working. In other words, I guess I have more of a life - such as it is - than I originally thought.

So, I owe you lovely people of the Innernet an apology: I was going to write about healthcare this month and I only got marginally started. I'm sure you were all just sitting around with bated breath waiting for the posts which never came. (Note sarcasm... heh.) I am sorry. Very, very sorry. My intention was to do it and be excited! about! healthcare reform!, but we all know what the road to hell is paved with...

Anyway, it is - as I've noted before - an area of great interest to me, so please watch this space and I will continue to research and post thoughts and information as I gather it. I will also attempt to do this before the primaries in the spring (No promises, but I will try) because again, area of interest.

Continue reading "NaBloPoMo and More Depression" »

Posted by Zee at 07:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)