Don't get me wrong: I don't begrudge people their successes at all. (Especially the astrophysicist - she's about as nice as they come, if memory serves.) I just look at what everyone else is doing, in the exact same amount of time I've had, and I wonder what the heck I've been doing for the last 15 years. (Holy hell, it's been 15 years!!!)

It's not that I regret the choices I've made or the direction I've taken: I don't. I've needed every single experience to get me to where and who I am today and I can say that I am - on the whole - very happy. But the damned "comparisons thing" seems to rear its ugly head on occasion and gives rise to the question of what makes people "successful" and who is to be the judge.

So I've ended up throwing myself a mini-pity party this week. Not because I especially want to become an astrophysicist, but because I probably couldn't become one if I did want to. These days I don't ever seem to have enough energy to leave the house, let alone go to the trouble of researching graduate schools. Some days it feels like my opportunity for doing Big Things, like becoming an astrophysicist, has passed. Other days I feel a bit more hopeful (especially when I look at my mom, who is just finishing up her nursing degree at the age of past-50!) and like I might be able to do something really great. (Whatever that means.)

I'm sure there are things I do that are good and worthwhile and/or contribute to the universe, but at the moment I'm feeling rather inadequate. Sigh.