Weird Dreams and Herb Gardens
Last night I had a dream that I had the hugest buckteeth ever and that they were crumbled and cracked and falling out piece by piece. The bucked-tooth part isn't so far off, since I had an 11mm overbite as a child (thankfully, it was corrected by years of orthodontia), but the crumbly tooth pieces coming out in chunks was certainly very strange. I've had a number of recurring dreams over the years and based on a quick google search, dreams of teeth falling out are rather common, but this is (I believe) the first time I've had this dream.
My father once had a dream that he woke up and had an enormous front tooth and when he went into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror, the shower curtain was thrown back and The Beatles were in the bathtub, singing "You're gonna lose that tooth, yeah yeah, you're gonna lose that tooth..." to the tune of "You're Gonna Lose that Girl."
I think I'd prefer that dream to the one where all my teeth are falling out...but, unfortunately, we don't get to choose our dreams... I suppose the tooth dream is better than the recurring one I have where I'm being chased down a hallway or corridor by someone who is trying to hurt me in some way. Thankfully, that one only occurs when I'm feeling trapped by some aspect of my life...
Anyway, I'm exhausted today. For reasons beyond my comprehension, I ended up working about 11 hours before I even realized how late it'd gotten. Crazy stuff. I'm getting a haircut and have to leave early tomorrow, but that's not why I worked late today - I just sort of did. It's odd, sometimes, how I get so focused on something that I can work for hours, and yet other times I can't focus on even one thing for longer than a minute. Weird sort of day.
When I finally did get offline I went to Fred Meyer's and they had all their spring flowers and plants out. So I bought a couple containers for the deck, starter plants of sage, rosemary and chives, as well as an orangish-red calla lily to plant outside somewhere. I'm not a very good gardener, but rosemary, sage and chives pretty much grown themselves and the extra little effort really makes a huge difference - both in the flavor of the food and in the cost! (Buying fresh herbs at the grocery store is a rip-off!)
Thank heavens spring is on its way!!
And yes, this entry is terribly, terribly random and disjointed and... well, I took my Avonex at noon today and the side effects are now starting to kick in so I'm not thinking clearly. I know a lot of people have written about how much MS has taught them and they've grown as human beings and blah blah blah...
Right now, I'm totally not in gratitude and am kind of pissed off at my lot in life and all I can think about is being cranky. So, here's my list of things I've learned since I've had MS:
-- I've learned how to give myself an Intramuscular Injection! Life skills! Woo!
-- I've learned that MS affects everyone a little differently. Which means the doctors know some, but it's all presented with a caveat. Terribly useful.
-- I've learned that I'm really bad at asking for help.
-- I've learned that reality seldom works out the way we think we want it to. Case in point: before going on Avonex, I was "committed to" being on one of the MS drugs because it's important to be on a treatment! Now? Not so much... if it's going to adversely affect my life (and I mean the side effects, not the injections; those are tolerable) for months on end, I suddenly begin to wonder about the trade-offs
-- Mostly, I've learned that I need to stop living my life in the way I think other people would have me live it. Just because someone else insists I do something some way doesn't mean I have to; and that goes for doctors, family members, friends, random strangers and anyone else with an opinion. Ultimately, *I* have to live in my body and thus, I'm the only one who knows what's truly going on. Now, if only I could remember this when people start throwing opinions and mandates at me!
OK, enough about MS and enough with the ranting. I'm headed to bed now to sleep off the Avonex hangover and hope I'm in a happier mood tomorrow! (Someone remind me not to work 11 hours in a row, wouldja!? :o)
Comments
Love the title...AND your thoughts about what MS has taught you! Spoken with the direct insight as only one living with the disease would know. I prefer to absorb myself in reality and not the "smiling face of MS"...unless it's MY dayumed cheeks that are grinning!
Linda D. in Seattle
Posted by: Linda D. | March 12, 2007 11:50 PM
How weird I had a dream 2 nights ago that someone knocked out my front 2 teeth, I was thinking it was something in the water, but seeing we're on totally different water sources, maybe it was just that night!
After reading your post all I can hear in my head is that theme song to the tv show, One Day at a Time. Good Luck!!!!
Posted by: Rara | March 13, 2007 04:24 AM
i think that last one is a lesson to be grateful for learning for sure.
hopefully by now you feel a lot better? i know you have a lot more experience with this than i do, but i think it's best to not try to deal with life when you are feeling sick from the avonex. because i always feel so much more miserable than i think i'm going to and everything seems really bleak when you feel bad. then a few hours later i feel better again and i forget how miserable i felt. in retrospect it doesn't seem like it was that bad. so, i usually use that time when i feel sick to catch up on sleep and stupid tv and other escapist pastimes rather than try to fight feeling crappy to actually deal with life.
for me, it's totally worth feeling crappy from the avonex to avoid ms exacerbations. feeling crappy from avonex is a million times better than feeling crappy from ms because i know it will end, soon. i can handle a lot if i just know it will be over soon. but feeling crappy from ms really REALLY screws up my life because i have no idea if and when it will ever get better. i would trade a lot of "planned crappiness" to avoid the "unpredictable crappiness." but then again, i'm a bit of a control freak.
Posted by: jen | March 13, 2007 06:57 AM