So I've seen (and, sadly, also written) some pretty bad PR pitches in my day, but I ran across this press release today and this one seriously takes the cake. I nearly fell over laughing.

The basic premise is this: the company that makes Cascade 2in1 ActionPacs (Proctor & Gamble) commissioned a study to find out which celebrity couples were seen as "cleanest." And then (THEN!) they compared the grime-fighting action of Cascade 2in1 ActionPacs to the celebrity couples who were viewed by respondents as cleanest. In this case, Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker earned this staggering honor.

Seriously, I kid you not. Check out the press release. Or, better yet, I'll post a little gem from the release right here:

"These survey results reinforce the impact 'two' can bring to cleaning. Much like Cascade 2in1 ActionPacs, which bring together the scrubbing power of Cascade with the grease-fighting power of Dawn, these duos demonstrate how the combined effort of two strong elements can achieve better results together," said Anna Burdick, External Relations Manager at Procter & Gamble.

Excuse me, but WTF?

This, my friends, is what is commonly known in the PR industry as a "momentum release." (In the rest of the world it's commonly known as a STRETCH, but I digress.) This is what happens when the client doesn't come out with a new product or anything to talk about and so news has to be created to continue to get the media to write about the client's product.

As you can imagine, this sort of ploy (because really, that's what it is) works in approximately 0 out of every 100 attempts. In fact, there is an entire weblog devoted to bad PR pitches, though they tend to focus on the ones that are not only stupid but also offensive.

Anyway, I can just imagine the thought processes that went through their heads over there in the marketing department at P&G:

"I know! Let's compare our 2in1 ActionPacs to CLEAN CELEBRITIES! Because people care about celebrities, and perhaps clean celebrities will make people think about clean dishes! YEAH!"

Errr, ok. So then they wrote up the survey, sent it around and then published the results with the flimsy connection that two people who are seen as clean are just as good as Cascade 2in1 ActionPacs. Really, because when I think of Sarah Jessica and Matthew, the first thing I think of is running my dishwasher.

What, don't you?

This is one example of why I'm very glad I'm no longer doing actual PR. Yes, I still work in the PR industry, but thankfully I am no longer responsible for driving coverage of my client, even when there is NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT THEM.

I mean, seriously, is anyone (other than me) actually going to write about this?? I'd be willing to bet not. There is plenty of actual news out there that the mainstream media is going to follow before they ever even look at this press release. The sad thing is, in addition to sending the press release over the newswire, the poor PR person probably had to call all of the the reporters she works with regularly (everyone who follows the "dish soap beat," obviously) to highlight this news for them and ask if they are going to cover it.

Seriously, I would not want to be the PR person in this situation. Because she will be lucky if the reporter answering the phone only politely says, "please stop wasting my time."