Flash-forward a couple days and the little spot had become rather large; it had essentially rendered me blind in my left eye. Well, not totally blind, but it was as if someone had placed a fuzzy gray cloud over the center of my left eye. I could see around it, a little bit, but clear vision out of my left eye was, by and large, blocked. To top that off, I had a horrible, pounding ache at my temple above my left eye.

Since the spot was clearly not going away, I went to the eye doctor and - after they dilated my eyes and flashed lights at me and made me look in all different directions - I was told that the spot was a residual something left over from a viral infection of some kind (I'd had a cold a couple weeks earlier) and it would go away on its own. If it didn't, I was supposed to call them back.

I woke up the next day and it was still there - and in fact larger - so I called the eye doctor back and made another appointment. Of course, the doctor I'd seen the day before was out so I had to see a different doctor, which involved another round of dilation and bright lights. Doctor #2 said he "thought" I had a swelling of the optic nerve.

You "think" that's what it is? Don't you know? How might one know for sure? For reasons not entirely clear to me, Doctor #2 did not seem to want to tell me, but he finally admitted that an MRI was the only way to know for sure. So at my insistence - to rule out the brain tumor I had diagnosed - they sent me to MRI-land, where I was placed inside a large metal tube and instructed not to move while they took pretty pictures of the inside of my head. Do you have any idea how hard it is to lie completely still after they've told you not to move?? I'm here to tell you, it is nearly impossible.

Anyway, the MRI confirmed the Optic Neuritis diagnosis (there's a good picture at that site that illustrates how it appears, though mine was signficantly worse).

Doctor #2 laid out my options:
1) Do nothing and wait for the swelling to (sloowwwwllly) go away on its own.
2) Begin taking a heavy dose of steroids, starting with a twice daily intravenous infusion of the stuff for three days and followed by weeks of Prednisone. This should reduce the swelling in less time.

In both cases, the final result would probably be the same: I'd regain most of my vision in my left eye but neither option made the final outcome significantly different. The only question was how quickly I wanted to be better. So I chose the steroids. What would you have done?

Honestly, in hindsight, I'm not sure this was the right choice. I had to give myself an IV-drip twice a day for three days and then I was on the Prednisone for weeks, which totally disabled my immune system. That summer I was sicker more often than I had ever been - I had three serious colds in as many weeks. On top of that, my face broke out in acne for the first time ever. I'd had pimples in high school, sure. But at age 26 I started getting real acne.

Put simply, I was miserable. With the steroids, the swelling was reduced in a few weeks and I was able to see again, with only a slight loss of vision. But I was ill all summer and my immune system was compromised for the better part of a year. Had I gone the no-drugs route, who knows how long the swelling would have lasted; I could have been partially-vision impared for months, maybe. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have gotten sick as often as I did that year.

At the time, what I wanted to know was, how had I gotten this problem, and what could I do in the future from preventing swelling? The answer to both questions was, "We don't know." I found this more than a little upsetting. What was more disconcerting, however, was the fact that Optic Neuritis can be a precursor to Multiple Sclerosis. My doctor said he wasn't worried about this in my case - he'd looked at my MRIs and hadn't seen any other indication of MS (I don't know what he'd have seen, but whatever) - and thought this was just a one-time deal. Fortunately, thus far I've had no other symptoms of MS and no recurrence of the optic nerve issue.

This whole incident really got to me. It was the first time I had ever come face-to-face with the idea that something could happen to render me unable to care for myself. It was a scary thought then, the idea of being dependent upon others, and I didn't like it. I still don't. At the time, I had short- and long-term disability insurance (and now I do again, thankfully) which would give me some income. Social Security would give me a bit more, assuming I could get it.

But what about my independence and mobility? Those are all things I could potentially lose at some point. I suppose there's really no point in future-tripping or trying to figure out what would happen if x, y or z random-accident might occur. I try to live by the motto, "prepare for the future, but live in today" and that keeps me from getting too weirded out. I have no control over the future, so there's really no point in getting too uptight about it...

So I went today for my eye appointment and I got the full treatment - eyeball-numbing-drops (which sting, by the way), eye-dilation, bright lights, reading the fun chart with letters on it, all that. Everything looks pretty good, though Doctor #2 said he was a bit concerned about the ratio of my optic nerve to my retina being a bit thin - a potential warning sign for glaucoma - and wanted to keep tabs on it. I have to go back in 4 months for a visual field test...) y vision has atrophied just a bit also, so I got a new prescription for my glasses and placed an order for new contacts! Then I got to drive home in the bright sun with less-than-adequate sun glasses! Fun stuff. I'm just glad the "big" exam is over for the year; now I'm just praying that my optic nerve continues to behave itself!!