The Daily Funk
I'm in another one of my moods. I hate that. Or, at least, I was in one of my moods before I went downtown for an AA meeting and then had lunch afterwards with one of my new sober friends. As usual, I heard just what I needed to hear in the meeting, and it really lifted my spirits. What I realized was that I have made some wonderful new friends and met so many amazing people, just in the last 40 days of sobriety, that I'm looking forward to continuing on this path and seeing what shows up. As someone told me yesterday, at least there's a future in not drinking...
Anyway, so now I'm feeling better, but not without a lot of whining and bitching at myself and god. I know that this lashing out and obsessing is not healthy or useful, but I just hate feeling frustrated or confused or angry or some combination of those, all the damn time. For some reason, actually feeling my feelings can sometimes be too much to take, particularly when they all bombard me at once.
I'm also finding that getting into the 'holiday spirit' is difficult this year. I just don't seem to care at all about the holidays, I don't want to give or get gifts, and I want the whole season to just pack itself up and go away. It's like that year I was in DC for 3 months and came home afterwards to discover that I'd just missed the entire yearly cluster-fuck that is Portland's Rose Festival. It was brilliant. I want that to happen with the holidays this year. And barring that, perhaps curling up in a ball in bed, burying my head in the covers and sleeping through it all would take care of the problem.
There are a few things that are making me feel good, however. The main one is that my dad, brother, sis-in-law and I are 'adopting' a friend of my brother's whose family lost everything in Katrina. Giving to them and helping them get back on their feet makes me feel good.
The other is, I'm cooking a big-ass turkey dinner on Christmas eve for my dad, brother, sis-in-law and step-neice, as well as a couple friends. It surprises me that I'm actually looking forward to the cooking part, too! As is my wont, I've spent the last few days obsessively putting together the menu, deciding on what kinds of pies to make and putting together the list of groceries we'll need. I've never cooked a whole turkey before, but I'm looking forward to giving that a go. Ain't nothing like a challenge, right?
So I've got those things to look forward to. But otherwise, I'm just plugging along, finishing up the last week of school for this term and trying to help Rennie lose her extra weight. We just went out for a short walk in the brisk, cold air and we both benefitted, I think. There's something about cool air that helps clear out the head and rearrange ideas.
In other news, the company I've been working for called on Friday to extend my contract another 3 months, so I'm assured some additional income at least until then. Hopefully by the time the contract is up in March I'll have a real, permanent job. Fingers crossed, at least!
And I did a lot of eating out this weekend, which is unusual for me these days. Saturday night I went to Saucebox for dinner to help celebrate my friend Frances' birthday. I've been to Saucebox several times over the years and while it can be a tad overpriced for what they serve (a beef dish, for instance, was $29 and from where I was sitting, there seemed to hardly be anything on the plate) I love the flavors they come up with. The seared tuna was fantastic and I had a great beef salad.
Last night, I met up with Kathleen and Amy, who is visiting from Boston. Amy was one of my favorite people to hang out with when I was in Beantown (especially because she loved my cooking :o), so it was GREAT to see her. She's home for the holidays and looks beautiful and fantastic as always. We went to Sweet Basil Thai on Broadway. The Tom Yum soup was fantastic and some of the appetizers were to die for, but I was disappointed with the the Beef Pad Se Ew that I had. It wasn't awful, but I would have liked a bit more sweet soy sauce - seemed a bit bland to me.
So on the whole, life is generally good. I'm hanging in there, at least, doing what I need to do and slogging through those bits I'm not all that thrilled about. I suppose that's just life, right?
Comments
Hang in there friend. I totally hear you about the holiday season and forced merriment. This is the first year in a long, long, LONG time I have been enjoying it. Losing 200lbs of baggage seems to have helped. ;-)
I'm always here if you need a friend/ear to talk to/movie partner
Posted by: Pink Hobbit | December 12, 2005 04:38 PM
Interesting news. But you hang in there. I see addicts, --oholics, hookers, bad guys, and tough situations quite frequently. I have seen some remarkably positive changes, and figure you can, too. You have support. You can do it.
By the way--and I know it's not the same--but today is the end of my 52nd week without smoking. Uh, sometimes it is the same.
Posted by: Paul N. | December 12, 2005 05:55 PM
Lindsey!
Hang in there. i think you're absolutely right... that's life. we always have to slog through the crap we don't want to deal with, but it makes us appreciate the good stuff right?
Posted by: jodi | December 13, 2005 11:11 AM
I really admire you and I'm thinking of you. Christmas can be a difficult time when you have a whole load of other stuff going on in the head. I know how you feel. I have bareky started my Christmas shopping. I'm just going to go with the flow and not think about it too much.
Posted by: NML | December 17, 2005 06:14 AM