I have been in a mood since the day after Christmas. My heart feels heavy and I feel melancholy and cranky and riddled with jealousy and frustration. It feels like the beginning of a depressive episode, so I'm trying not to isolate myself, and to get out and go to A.A. meetings and see friends and do things. But it's such a collossal effort and my heart really isn't in any of it. I've been sleeping a lot too - another bad sign.

It's not that my holiday was bad - it was fine. I was given some lovely gifts, including a beautiful, loose green aquamarine stone, which I can put into a ring or necklace or something, and some gorgeous sapphire earrings, both of which came from Thailand. I was also given a Starbucks gift pack, a Barnes & Noble gift card, a nice corduroy jacket and some cash (which I spent on Knitting Books and supplies... yay!), as well as a Creative Memories scrapbooking tool that I'd been needing.

Plus, my Christmas eve turkey turned out great! Very moist and tasty. In fact, I was pleased with how everything turned out, and the fact that I got to use my lovely, perfect Pottery Barn dishes made the evening all that much better. Plus, we helped another family in need and they were so appreciative that it made me happy and content. (And to answer Betsy's question: the pies and pie crust were great! I am giving up the idea of ever learning how to make pie crust - there is no need. I have Pillsbury.)

So yeah, the heaviness and frustration and etc... Not completely due to the holidays. I know that part of my general malaise has to do with worry around not having found a job and not having much money to speak of, but that's not all that's causing the heaviness. I received a bit of dismaying information this afternoon about a very dear friend of mine, and that's got me a little down as well... but even that isn't the complete reason for my melancholy. I just haven't yet been able to pinpoint the underlying causes that are really at the heart of this sadness. So I'm just praying and hoping that all will be revealed, and soon.